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Here is the really strange thing: I absolutely meant it when I said those words to him.

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I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how our marriage got to such a low point. I felt nothing for him but contempt. I was so angry, and then I was just so defeated I felt nothing at all, which was worse in so many ways. I remembered our wedding, but the memory became duller. The colors were less vivid — the day less joyful. John Gottman has research that shows if you feel negatively about someone long enough, something happens in the brain to literally change your memories of that person.

As a clinician, that is fascinating and a little unbelievable. I make big decisions every day with my business. I know my own mind and thoughts. And yet, I was deluded into thinking I never really lov ed my husband. I thank God every day I came to my senses. It took several key factors for me to be able to come back to reality.

The more my husband fought me on my feelings, the more determined I became in making them real.

I knew he loved me. But when he would say it often, it would make me feel itchy. I just wanted him to go away. For months we lived as roommates but I was no longer avoiding and running from him. Over time, things just got easier, and one day I felt myself wanting to be with him. It was so hard for him to just wait for months to see if I could possibly want to be married again.

He was so lonely and hurt. I was so self-absorbed and distant. He created a very safe environment for me. He stood up for himself appropriately. If he had allowed me take advantage of the situation by letting me have my way all the time, or talking ugly to him I would have lost all respect for him.


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When I was really angry I would lash out at him, and he would calmly tell me that I could live there with him and have all the space I needed to figure things out, but I could not be abusive. He told me I had to clean it up or move out. But it also made me look at him in a different way. It made him more attractive to me. I was a complete fool during that awful time in our marriage.


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In the meantime, you have to know how to give your spouse space but maintain your dignity and respect at the same time. There is a popular program out there that gives really bad advice to people in this situation. They tell you to buy your spouse gifts and write them cards every day.

I would have felt suffocated. I would have felt pity for my husband and his pathetic attempts to win me back. I would have left him. They kind of sound like torture devices! But our techniques can really work if you know when and how to use them. Our coaches get relationship training from the top experts in this country and we meet weekly to train and stay up-to-date on the latest research.

Look, you are in a tough spot. It can be confusing to know where to turn for advice. Make sure you work with someone who knows what they are doing. When I opened a new business, I hired a business coach. I wanted to avoid costly mistakes. Be smart about your relationship.

Hire a good marriage coach and work with them regularly. Your life is worth this investment. Your family is worth fighting for. We can help you navigate through the next several months. This is going to be difficult.

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So make sure you get all the help and support you need. Call us at or send us an email here. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Find things you enjoy and indulge. You need some self-love right now. If I could, I would give you a big hug and some chocolate. It always makes me feel better. Call us or schedule an appointment. Your email address will not be published.

The Conditional Coolness Economy

This FREE ebook delivers the successful and not-so-successful approaches to help keep you and your partner from drifting away from each other. I highly recommend Kim Bowen and her staff at The Marriage Place for couples counseling and family therapy. The Marriage Place is a fantastic resource for any couple facing challenges, whether small or large.

They are friendly, professional and dedicated to helping people. I couldn't recommend Kim Bowen and her team of therapists more highly. Our previous "marriage counselor" told my husband that our kids were not a reason to stay married so he filed for divorce. I thought we were over but Kim helped us find each other again. I will be forever grateful, Kim, for your passion for marriage.

Susan, after working with you, I did everything we discussed.

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My wife left town for a month and when she returned, she saw all the changes I had made. He is confusing love with attraction. A lot of women who discover that this is what their ex really means freak out on the spot. I have so much advice on how to do this throughout the site that I just feel like I would be repeating myself if I told you here yet again. At least that way you have actually have a shot at getting him back by re-attracting him. Believe it or not but your ex may have gotten really bored with the relationship. I have multiple friends who are a little bored in their relationships.

I would say that this usually tends to happen to couples who have been together for more than a year. Eventually, you get to a point where you have done everything there is to do together in a romantic relationship and you are just killing time together. Now, it might also be possible for a guy to get bored in a relationship really early on if he just gets bored easily. In fact, I would say the breakup and time away might actually help your case to get him back. Being boring is something you can definitely fix. Remember, what we are looking for here are areas of improvement.

Yes, guys have emotional needs too! My brother is a good example here. In fact, he wanted to break up with her about two weeks before he actually did it. Now, his case might not relate to yours because he was never in love with the girl. Of course, this is almost doubly true for guys and their physical needs.

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Unfortunately, most guys are not like me. I am not saying this to change your morals. This is unfortunate and I think in this case there is nothing you can do. However, I will tell you that this is actually rarer than you would think. Free On Demand Coaching Yes, please.

I highly encourage you to take a look around our site. I have multiple pages on how to get your ex back in all kinds of crazy situations. However, if I had to recommend just one page to you I would definitely say that you should read my how to get your ex boyfriend back complete guide. I spent the better part of a month researching and writing it and I promise you that you will not be disappointed.


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